Thursday, November 21, 2013
Fear is something that I know everyone has. It doesn't matter if you are a mom or not, fear can creep into your head and try and overtake you. I never really had a whole lot of fear before I had my son. Well, at least nothing that would consume me. I had learned to not let myself go there with my husband being a firefighter. If I allowed myself to think about the danger he is in when he goes to work, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. The fear that snuck into my life after becoming a mom was something new alltogether. It wasn't just fear of not knowing why he was crying, or fear that he was getting a cold. No this fear goes deeper and never goes away. Yes I push it to the the back of my mind and try and lock it there, but every now and then it comes out. When I hear stories of my highschool friends daughter, that is the same age as my son, getting diagnosed with brain cancer it completely rips my heart out. I can't even control the emotions I feel just knowing that these things happen to these children. Or the stories of the kids who bump their heads at school and then don't wake up from their nights sleep. Ahhhh!! This is the reason I wake up several times a night and check to make sure my son is still breathing. Some might think that is irrational and yes maybe it is to a point, but I can't help it. I never knew the kind of fear and worry being a mother would bring. I fear that I am not doing enough as a mother, I fear that I'm not feeding his soul enough everyday and even tho I really deep down know this is not true, a part of me is so anxious about it. My son is a wonderful child. He is loving, thoughtful, smart, funny and the list could go on and on. I have to keep telling myself that he is this way because his father and I are doing right by him. We show him how to love and be loved, we show him how to help others and be respectful. I have to just keep reminding myself this and keep pushing that fear away so I can truly enjoy every moment. No More Fear!!!
These pics are from his little pillow wrestling match the other night. It's one of his favorite things to do. :)
Lots of Love my friends! xoxoxo